Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Where Angels Fear to Tread


The weir lies a scant half-mile below the bridge where the road crosses into the village. Nobody swims there now, though when my father was a young man, many years ago, he and his friends spent their summers there, much as my friends and I spent the long hot summers of the mid-seventies in or beside the river from dawn to dusk. We were strong swimmers all, by the time we reached thirteen or fourteen. Many times over the years on my walks to the lock, I envied him the cool, green overhung pool just below the weir, where he told me they swam and dived. There is nothing like the caress of cool, dark river water on sun-scorched freckled skin. The silent relief of plunging under the smooth surface, then the kick and push back to break through again to the sunlit blue sky overhead. I never got to swim in that spot, which seemed to me the essence all riverside summers. Stilly greeny, an eternal homage to Kavanagh's words.

Nobody swims there, because in the still of a long, hot summer’s afternoon long ago, somebody died. He didn't drown at the weir, but in the shallow, safe stretch of canal that runs a short distance from the weir to the lock, full of lily-pads and dragon-flies on the days of high summer, with cool, oozy mud between the toes when you touch bottom. He died in a sluice just above the lock gates, a small opening where the overflow from the canal surges into the river below.

I quizzed my reluctant father repeatedly about it in my teens: for a strong swimmer, nothing terrifies or inflames the imagination more than the prospect of drowning, the horror of being stuck, thrashing, far below, the silent, unheard screams for help. The boy was a younger brother of a chap my father’s age, probably trying to impress with his daredevilry. His brother and another older boy went in to look for him when he failed to surface. I couldn't tell you if my father was there or not. Like many a wise swimmer, at a guess I would say he avoided swimming in spots where there was an obvious danger. One of the saddest things about drownings is that they always and inevitably seem to find the weaker, the less experienced. Good swimmers, you see, evaluate, assess, and ask questions before they venture in, out of healthy respect for water and its power. There may have been a dare; my father always seemed unaccountably angry about the whole thing, as if it should never have happened. Nobody swims through a sluice gate and lives to tell the tale.

They must have laid him out on the rough concrete of the sluice, cold from the river in the sun’s heat, ferried him back across the canal, and carried him up the endless half-mile to the bridge. In those days, the early days of the Second World War, there were few if any phones. Perhaps someone ran for the doctor, from the dispensary in the village, just over the bridge. It was to no avail.

Nobody swims at the weir, ever, though two generations have passed. We swam as children above the bridge, at a shallow spot where my father and his long-grown friends made steps for us out of concrete-filled sacks, where there was a life-ring and finally life-saving classes in the hot summers of my teens. Now that spot has fallen into disuse too, the river dredged for the convenience of visiting barges and cabin cruisers.

Nobody swims at the weir, except my friend Seamus, now in his seventies, perhaps too young to have first-hand memory of the tragedy. I try to make my annual swimmer’s pilgrimage to the Barrow, though I head upriver and swim down to the bridge. Of late I’ve grown too busy, and maybe too cautious. This summer, the river was in spate most of the time, too dangerous for any swimmer. When Seamus swims, it is in the slow deep, black river water on the upper side of the weir, once or twice a summer even now, under the watchful guardian eye of his wife. But never the canal.

On the threshold....


My boy started secondary school this week. It seems an eternity since he started primary, and at the same time, not long at all. Starting primary is tied into memories of my marriage breakdown, and the additional difficulty of trying to ease the change from preschool to school for a chap whose Dad had just left. Tough times to start; I learned to cut and run at the first sign of tears, with the reassurance that I knew he stopped as soon as I disappeared from view…sound advice for clingy mums. Sometimes they need you less than you need them. At five, he’d recently changed from an angelic (in looks only) pale blonde to the dirty blonde he still is. Every year brought change; different teachers, different issues.  He manfully dealt with an older bully by getting his besties together and telling the bully that they’d ALL deal with him if he didn’t lay off . The bully was in 6th class, my son and his friends in 4th at the most. I heard nothing till it was all over, but had observed the silences and reluctance in the previous weeks. I’m still a little awe-struck at how they dealt with it. 

We’ve been through interminable quizzes, swimming galas, school tours, tonsillitis, S-Tens, and ripped trousers on a weekly basis, like mothers and sons up and down the country. And mud aplenty, because it rains a lot here, and little boys pay no heed.

And now he’s a young man, and the start of secondary marks that threshold for many boys like him. For me, it’s unbearably poignant. And no doubt the same for legions of Irish mammies, for that is what I have become. He passed me out height-wise just before his twelfth birthday. Admittedly I’m on the small side, but now he’s grown six inches in nine months. He’s 5’9”, his voice has broken to a deep bass, and he still takes teddies to bed. But not to school. He’s full of enthusiasm for his new school, and I’m bursting with happiness at his eyes-wide–open interest in all his new subjects. Who knew? His science teacher had him from day one. I can tell that there’s quiet awe of his music-teacher. He wants a school jersey so he can play on the school team. All of this brings a lump to my throat, and memories of my own teens in the late '70s spring to mind unbidden. It’s an eternity, and no time at all, since I took the same steps, since life was suddenly filled with the same boundless potential. So much has changed, but so much remains the same, for him, at this threshold. Since then I’ve travelled on, through college, emigration, return, professional recognition, marriage, children, bereavement, personal trauma. But life, for me, turns on moments like this.